SO! Moment Post-Camping Edition

We got back late Monday night from our annual 4th of July family reunion/campout. We had a great time being together. There were around 35 this year.

Since it was so late Monday, Grace fell asleep on the way home and I didn't have the heart to throw her in the tub. But her feet were absolutely black because after all, camping, running around barefoot and firepits are all conducive to black feet dontcha know? I did wash the bottom of her feet, laid a clean sheet over her regular bedding and she crashed.

Yesterday, I got her in the bathtub which instantly turned into brown water. Should've done the shower I suppose, but then I wouldn't have a SO! moment now would I? She had yukky crud on, under and between her toes among other places.

SO!

My bright idea was to give her a used, soft-bristled toothbrush I had under the kitchen sink to gently scrub her toes with.

See where this is heading?

Fast forward an hour later when I went in to brush my teeth. I grab the toothbrush sitting on the bathroom sink, pop some toothpaste on it and proceed to clean my pearly whites when...

All in a matter of seconds I realize this toothbrush feels awfully soft, subconsciously wonder what 'my' toothbrush was doing sitting on the counter, look over and see my toothbrush in the cup holder where it's supposed to be...

then scream OH YUCK! in mouth-full-of-toothpaste-ese and proceed to gag, spit, sputter, and do WHATEVER it takes to get it out of my mouth!

Looking on the bright side, at least the toothbrush hadn't been used on the toilet...I don't think...OH NO!

It's All DOUBLE YUCK Good!

(((Chels)))

SO! Moment MIL edition

My mother-in-law (we'll call her SHE) is a dear, albeit feisty, 81-year old woman. She is very active in her church and is quite the socialite whether she is eating out nearly every day with her gal pals or running into the city (70 miles round trip) for groceries, Dr. appts. or her COPD monthly meeting.

In other words, her calendar is full. And SHE loves it.

About a year ago, a widower calls her. We'll call him HE. HE is an old classmate SHE grew up with. SHE hasn't been in contact with HE since waaaayyyy back when. HE is coming from Oregon to visit his son and would like to stop by and visit SHE. Well, why not? she says. HE comes over and they drive into the city for dinner. They enjoy their long visit catching up on each other's lives and such.
HE is lonely. SHE is not.

The next time HE knocks on her door unexpectedly, he comes in and in the course of their visit insinuates that they might pursue something more than a friendship.
SHE informs HE that she is not interested in anything other than a friendship.
HE goes back to Oregon.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. (SHE hasn't seen nor heard from him in 9 months.)
HE knocks on the door again, unexpectedly, and is invited in.
HE has only one thing on his mind (and it's not a nice little chat).
{the nerve}
SHE says NO (and it's not a nice little chat)!
HE leaves.
A week later HE knocks on the door.
HE wants SEX!
SHE says NO!
{Sheesh, get a clue buddy}
SO!
Being a former realtor, SHE is meeting a man who is interested in buying the motel in town.
And, as fate would have it, here HE comes again. This time HE seems to have cooled off some, and they are having a nice little chat, but before long HE again tells her that he'd like more than just a friendship.
SHE grabs him by the arm and drags him in to look at her calendar.
.
.
SHE: Look at my calendar.
HE: Why would I want to do that?
SHE: I want you to see that my life is full and I enjoy it. See? I even have an appointment in about 15 minutes. You're going to have to leave now.
HE: Where are you going?
SHE: (unwittingly) I am going to meet a man at the motel.
HE: (looking perplexed) How long are you going to be gone?
SHE: (again, unwittingly) As long as it takes.
.
HE hasn't come back.
.
It's All BWAAHAHAHH! Good!

So! Moment: Flu Edition

Grace and I are at Goodwill having fun seeking out the bargains. All of the sudden I hear a
Disgusting,
Gross,
Hacking,
Cruddy,
Foul,
Phlemy,
Jump-Right-In-With-Your-Own-Synonyms Cough coming from up around the registers.


Now, I'm not one to be too paranoid about germs, but seriously, this woman should've been bedridden, it was that bad. I was thankful that she was leaving, poor lady.


SO! We're going about our business finishing up our browsing when behind me about 5 feet away I hear it. WHAT? She's still here? I grab the basket, and as fast as I can, start bobbing in and out of the clothes racks trying to get away from the spewing germs. You'd think someone yelled "FIRE", I was moving that quick. The store was closing so I paid for my purchases and left.


On our way home I had to stop off at Walmart. We're back in the fabric department minding our own business. 

Suddenly I hear...no, it can't be...MISSDisgustingGrossHackingCruddyFoulPhlemy

JumpRightInWithYourOwnSynonymCoughing Lady behind me. GAAAAHHHHH! OK This is GERM WARFARE.
 

I'm oughta there but fast.

Fortunately, I never got sick. 

Could've been the bath I took filled with Purell Anti-Bacterial Soap. Or prayer. Probably the latter.


It's All STAY HOME Good!

;)

A day in the Life of a Poodle

For another week or so we will be pet-sitting a 16-year old poodle. We've been here two weeks. So far so good, I suppose. She's still alive! 

Let me back up a little. We have never had pets as long as we've been married. Nothing against those who do and nothing against the pets themselves. 

So, why did they choose us to watch their 16-year old oh did I fail to mention incontinent nearly deaf and blind poodle?

What they told us:
She sleeps all day.

What they failed to tell us:
She doesn't sleep all night.
{And if you don't take her out, sometime in the middle of the night she'll pee some where, some place, some time while we're sleeping. 2nd night happened to be on our bed. A couple of other nights on the floor conveniently on my side of the bed.}

What they told us:
She likes to sleep with them, but she will use her carrier.

What they failed to tell us:
Forget the carrier.
{She likes to snuggle as close to one's face as possible licking herself into la-la land. Ever smell the breath of a 16-year old dog? Her yawn alone covers a 6-ft. radius of odor.}

What they told us:
She doesn't eat much in the morning, so leave it out for an hour then put it away for evening.

What they failed to tell us:
She does eat much in the morning.
{She also like to take her chunks of slimy, wet food and scatter them on the kitchen floor casually dining at her leisure. Only took one second to learn that cold, slimy dog food is squishy between the toes.}

What they told us:
(Motioning in a general direction to the red bag on the counter.) She likes one snack at 9:00 pm.

What I failed to notice, and I take full responsibility for this one):
That red bag on the counter with the delicious-smelling brown sticks that we've been feeding her promptly at 9 every night is beef jerky. BEEF JERKY, PEOPLE! Made from 100% premium beef. No wonder it smelled so good! I've been sacrificing yummy, teriyaki beef jerky meant for us humans and giving it to a dog.
{Hmmm...in retrospect the salt content of the jerky would be why she was gulping tons of water before bed.}
 

I think I may have this dog stuff figured out.

All in all, it has been a fun time. She really is a good dog--bad breath and all--and we've become accustomed to her little rituals and routines. Grace loves animals and it's been fun watching her interact with the dog. This dog may even have managed to wiggle her way into our petless hearts. Who knows?


It's All Poodley Good!

Brenda

I'm a Ditz SO! Moment

SO!

It is Tuesday, 9:40 pm.

I don't know why, but I was just a little excited about today's date being 9/9/9.

If I'm not mistaken this all-9-digit occurrence won't happen again until 9/9/99, right?

WRONG!

It'll happen again...tomorrow. 9/9/9.

I thought it was so cool, that I didn't have my daughter spell out the date, but let her write 9/9/9 on all of her work instead.

I didn't even want to go to bed tonight without wishing everyone a happy 9/9/9 day just for the fun of it!

Then I started giggling.

I'm such a ditz.

And I homeschool, sheesh!

It's All HAPPY 9/9/9 DAY (tomorrow) Good!
Brenda

SO! Moment Batty Edition

Courtesy AOL Pics

Myrtle, borrowed from Reva's blog.

Reva has gone to the airport to pick up her SIL, Sam.

Rick has gone to bed.

Myrtle is with Rick.

Sunny has gone to bed.

Grace is in her bedroom watching a DVD.

SO!

It is 9:30ish in the evening.

Chels and I are in the bathroom helping each other dye our hair. We are wearing our ratty T's. Mine is a bright orange, over-sized T-shirt with long dark streaks down it from previous dye jobs (I'd probably blend right in with the jailbirds picking up trash along the highways in their jumpsuits!)

We have just got our hair plopped in a glob on top of our heads and now have to wait the 25-35 minutes for the dye to do it's thing.

Just as Chels opens the bathroom door...

A THING flies past us and into Grace's room.

We both look at each other with eyes wide as saucers and before we can both say "OH NO, GRACE", Grace begins screaming hysterically. Now, I ask, who wouldn't scream hysterically while a BAT, is circling around and around over your head in your bedroom?

Chels and I run to Grace's room. She is on the floor with her head buried in her hands screaming uncontrollably and as white as a sheet. I'm ashamed to say that we are PETRIFIED and stand FROZEN at her door yelling at her to come out (about 6 feet away). Neither Chels nor I could even go in there. I'm telling you, this is beyond wetting-your-britches scary to us. By this time Sunny is awake and saves the day by rescueing Grace. She is literally clinging to him.

But, we still have a bat to take care of, and you wouldn't be able to pry Grace off her Daddy even if the Jaws of Life were employed, so it's up to Chels and I. We shut the door and come up with a plan.

And the fun begins!

Because a screen needs replacing in her bedroom, which was probably where the bat flew in in the first place, we decide that if we go outside and open the window it will eventually fly out. A good common sense plan, right? Grace's bedroom window is under the back deck. We go out, I sneak up to the window, open it GET THE HECK OUTA THERE!

I'm all for just leaving the window open all night, but Chels says she's going to stand there--well, kinda faraway 'there'--and wait 'til the BAT flies out the window.

And now enters Myrtle, Reva's Ye Olde English Bully Dogge.

Rick and Myrtle have come out to see what the commotion is all about. I'm coming in the back door. Myrtle goes into protect-her-family mode--barking, growling the whole works. I'm calling her, sweet-talking her BUT all she's seeing is a crazy lady in a bright orange and black-streaked shirt with her hair piled crazily on top of her head intruding on her family. She won't let me in the door, then runs past me to where Chels is and does the "you take one more step and you're dead meat" attack stance. While she's concentrating on Chels, I get back in the house. I go to the front door, divert Myrtle so Chels can come in the back door, which she does and immediately climbs onto the bar stools and begins throwing treats at her. So now Myrtle is between us. I try and tell Chels to go back out and thru the garage, but she can't hear because of all the barking, so I go out the front door, through the dark garage and get Chels. We are now both 'safe'--and, thanks to Myrtle, now STUCK on the front porch.

WILL IT EVER END?

We open the front door and make a run for the basement and into the bathroom JUST in time to rinse our our hair. Talk about timing, Sheesh!

Myrtle continues barking. We are thinking she's still barking at us. Come to find out later she was barking at another bat (or the same one) up in the living room.

Reva comes home with her SIL, Sam. I tell her about it and...

Everyone goes to bed.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Sam goes in the guest room. Just when she walks in the door a bat comes up from the back of the bookshelf and flops onto the top shelf. Sam quietly closes the door and goes and sleeps on the couch. Smart girl.

The next morning Rick catches the bat and all is well.

It's All A Bat and a Bully Dogge Good!
Brenda

The Animated Butterfly

I can't remember whose blog it was I was reading recently about their thoughts on girl's clothing that has sayings or words plastered on the hineys. I'm of the opinion that it's not appropriate no matter how "Hot" or how much of an "Angel" one might be. The following incident just confirmed that opinion more than ever.
.

Grace and I were walking behind a young adult woman heading into the library. Now I'm not one that makes a habit of looking at girls' behinds, but her's definitely caught my attention.

There, plastered from 'cheek' to cheek'--and I'm not meaning to be cheeky ;)--was a huge outline of an embroidered butterfly.

To her credit her britches weren't tight but rather baggy...

...which would explain why when she walked the body of the butterfly would disappear into the valley of the unmentionable and back out again thus making the wings move each time!

Bless her heart.

.

Go figure!

.

It's All Cracked Me Up Good!

A past SO! Moment-Anniversary Edition

This post is in honor of our 28th Anniversary.

About six weeks before our first anniversary our church had a weekly marriage seminar. The culmination was a retreat night at a popular resort owned by The Navigator's called Glen Eyrie (about an hour away).
.

Glen Eyrie is a beautiful castle nestled at the base of Pike's Peak near the Garden of the Gods. The property was originally owned by the General Palmer family, founders of Colorado Springs.

This night happened to fall exactly on our first anniversary.

Now, let me tell ya, if you're looking for romance this was definitely the place to be--we're talking a castle--but for some reason, sharing this experience with a dozen or so other couples just wasn't conducive to a romantic evening--fun, but just not my idea of romance. But wait! It gets better.

SO! Because Sunny and another fella had to work late, we weren't able to get up there in time to check in first, but went directly to where dinner was being served. When we arrived we were escorted by the 'English Butler' into the "King James Dining Room" (said with a heavy English accent).

Dinner was good. Then it was time to book our room. Unfortunately for us and the other 'late' couple, they had miscalculated the number of guests in our party. There weren't enough rooms.

What to do?

Then the bright fella at the desk said, "Come with me." So the pastor who had made the arrangements, Sunny and I and the other couple followed this man. We figured he understood the dilemma and had everything under control. He led us into his last room available.

Beautiful room, great view, two sets of bunk beds!

.

BUNK BEDS!?! HELLO!

We all looked at each other and then back at 'Mr. Bright'. Our pastor said, with as much kindness as he could muster and through clenched teeth, "This.....is a.....marriage retreat........Sir."

Like I said, not very conducive to a romantic evening (ya think?!).

After admitting someone had overbooked the rooms in the castle, Mr. Bright decided it was in his best interest to open up the Carriage house for us. Problem was that it was the middle of winter and it hadn't been used in awhile. It was Freeezzing!

Sunny and I ended up celebrating our anniversary on another day.

It's All 28 Years Good!
Brenda

So! my 7 year old and I are sitting in our school/play room minding our own business when we begin hearing this weird slurpy-slobbery-sucking noise coming from the new and improved, totally organized closet. Actually Grace hears it first and gets up to go over to the closet, then I begin hearing it.
My first thoughts are that there's some kind of large rodent in there having its lunch and enjoying it very much. EWWWW!
Then we both look at each other at the same time.
Grace's eyes get as round as saucers. It's her Chou Chou Teething Doll and...IT'S ALIVE!

She opens the door and there, sure enough, is her doll making the creepy noises--creepy because it doesn't make those noises unless you stick a bottle in its mouth, but as you can see, there is no bottle in its mouth. Neither of us had even been in the closet that day. And she hadn't even played with that doll for a couple of days. Creepy.

I grabbed that doll and beat on its back, shook it, squeezed it, stuck the bottle in its mouth. All to no avail. It wouldn't stop. Now I'm yelling STOP! You're scaring me here! Finally, I pulled open the velcro on the back and pushed some button and it stopped. Just needed a reboot, I guess.

CREEPY, I say!

I didn't know you had to 'reboot' a doll. But I'll tell ya, if that ever happens again, it'll get a reboot all right, right into the trash can.

It's All SO Good! ;)
Brenda

72 oz. = 4 1/2 lbs. & Happy Chocolate Day!

Did you know that today is Happy Chocolate Day? And I didn't find out until 8:30 PM tonight, July 7, and quite by accident. Can you believe I, of all people, did not know this?

I...KNOW! That's what I said!
72 OUNCES OF CHOCOLATE?!

SO...My daughter, Chels, helped cater a graduation party. They let her take home this GINORMOUS unopened bag of Toll House semi-sweet chocolate chips. Well...they started out as chocolate chips, BUT after sitting in her car for a day, this bag turned into a huge bag of ooey, gooey, YUMMY melted chocolate! Now, I'm not real good with math, so it took me a moment to convert this to 4 1/2 LBS. OF CHOCOLATE. Is this a dream? Have I died and went to Her*shey Heaven? She brought that in the house, my eyes bulged out of their sockets and--losing all dignity--I began drooling (have I no shame?) I had a spoon in my hand before the bag could land with a soft, squishy, melty THUD on the counter. Then we dug in (yes, I DO share!) After all, it wasn't going to be long before it turned into a big hard brick, right? Which it did. Just another delightful SO... moment in my life.

It's All SO...HAPPY CHOCOLATE DAY Good!
Brenda

Another SO... moment!

Proof that Eddie Murphy really does have a big head!

So...We're driving down the famous Route 66, which runs right through Flagstaff, on our way to a job...running late, when I look to my left and WHOA! I see the biggest head I've ever seen in my life. Parked at a restaurant. All I had was my cell phone, but I just had to turn around and snap a picture. I had my daughter stand in front so you could get the scale of the head. I mean, really, when in my lifetime will I ever again see how big Eddie Murphy's head really is?

It's All MAN THAT'S A BIG HEAD Good!

So, our daughter, Chels, answered the phone one evening only to be on the receiving end of a simpleton...errr....non-foreign telemarketer. Now, if you're a telemarketer, by golly God bless your soul. You have a hard job, and my heart goes out to you. I'm not saying that all telemarketers are simpletons, but this particular one--ok, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt--maybe it was the end of his shift, maybe he was just mindlessly reading his script.  Who knows?

The call went something like this:

(Now, remember, this is my daughter. Sounds like a girl, acts like a girl, IS a girl!)

Telefella: How many people are in the house who are over 18?

Chels: Three

Telefella: How many are male?

Chels: One

{can you guess the next question?}

Telefella: How many are female?!

Chels: uh...do the math, buddy!

Telefella: Is the male of the house the oldest?

Chels: Yes

{and now for the kicker...}

Telefella: Am I speaking with the MALE of the house?

Chels: C'MON, Do you really expect me to answer that question? Hello...! Seriously!

It's All SO...Good!

Brenda

My 'Gangsta' Ballerina!

So! my husband and I are outside by the fence trying to take his picture for his business card. Bear in mind, I am not a photographer--just your average picture-taker. I am, however, trying to act 'pro' by telling him to turn a little sideways, lift your chin, don't squint your eyes, etc. 


ENTER Grace. 


She hollers, "Like this, Dad". We turn and see her in this little 'gangsta' pose. After laughing hysterically, we were like, "Where did THAT come from"! 


It's All 'GANGSTA' Good!

Brenda