Sunday, November 23, 2014

Living Lessons When Death is Imminent

These random lessons are my attempt to relay through writing what I have experienced this past year.  Bear with me.  This is my way of remembering so I won't forget.  I can't, nor do I want to ever forget the journey the Lord walked my mom, myself and my siblings through.  The way she died may not have been the Lord's choice, but He was with us the entire way.  And as hard as it was, a lot of good and special memories came of it.

It's a given that life can't always be light-hearted. Experiencing a heavy heart because of life's circumstances or curve balls is inevitable.  Knowing that I have access as a child of the King to walk in His peace, not only through those heavy-hearted moments or seasons but continually, keeps me from letting despair overtake me.

Lesson #1 -- Time to Put on the Big Girl Panties

Yep, I'm officially out of diapers now.

A curve ball was thrown at me that forced me to 'grow up'.  I was forced to begin walking on a path that was way out of my comfort zone and definitely not one of anyone's choosing.  

A year ago my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 peritoneal cancer.  This cancer closely mimics ovarian cancer, but it is actually cancer found in the lining of  the abdominal and/or pelvic cavities.  She entered the hospital for her first chemo treatment at the end of October and was never able to go home after that.  She passed away on March 5, 2014 just two weeks short of her 78th birthday.

Because Mom had not been prepared ahead of time with a living will, the night before she entered the hospital we were scrambling to get that done.  I was designated to be the executor (big girl panties)--and that is a whole 'nother lesson!  (All I'm going to say here is BE PREPARED!  It would've made things a whole lot smoother if we would've known her intentions ahead of time.)

By choosing to be her executor (and keeping within Medicaid guidelines), I was responsible to do things for her that went totally against the grain of what I believe spiritually.  Let me give an example. It was extremely hard walking into a mortuary and pre-paying for cremation or meeting across the street at the cemetery office to buy a plot.  All of this while she was still living.  I wanted my Mom to be healed, and yet I was having to plan for her death.

I'm not saying this to debate whether one believes in healing or not, or whether cremation is right or wrong. I just know that this was a spiritual battle I had to go through.  

Did I win?  I don't know. 

But Mom did.

More later.

It's All I Love My Mama Good!



  1. Those are very tough things. I don't know how people get through them without God.

  2. I'm glad your writing and talking.

  3. Welcome back to blogging! I've been MIA from the blog world and would love to re-enter but it's all so different now so we'll see.
    I too lost a cherished loved one this year. My beloved sister passed away (age 53) suddenly from a cardiac arrest on 2/24. We removed her from life support on 3/2/14. My life felt like it literally ended with her. She was my soul mate and we had lots and lots of future plans together. God had other plans. I'm so very sorry to hear of your Mother's passing. I try very hard to put the big girl panties on but it's been devastating. It's one day and a time and alot of prayer time! Take care and so good to hear from you!

  4. I am so sorry for your loss. Having to make these preparations while also grieving must have been very difficult, especially if her wishes didn't agree with what you believe.

  5. That's a rather sad post !

  6. I am sorry for your loss Brenda and all that goes with this life changing time <3

  7. We went through our pastor's diagnosis with pancreatic cancer in June, saw him wasting away before our eyes, and then his passing in August. Someone said his wife called it a "horrible, beautiful gift." Though it was so hard, especially for the family, God did so many good things through it. I just don't know how people get through these things without the Lord.

  8. Thanks for your comment on my blog. I walked a similar road with my parents. Fortunately, my dad had prepared everything ahead of time, but it was still so very hard to let them both go even though I know I will be with them in heaven.
    I'm glad you are able to concentrate on your growth and God's goodness.


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