It's a given that life can't always be light-hearted. Experiencing a heavy heart because of life's circumstances or curve balls is inevitable. Knowing that I have access as a child of the King to walk in His peace, not only through those heavy-hearted moments or seasons but continually, keeps me from letting despair overtake me.
Lesson #1 -- Time to Put on the Big Girl Panties
Yep, I'm officially out of diapers now.
A curve ball was thrown at me that forced me to 'grow up'. I was forced to begin walking on a path that was way out of my comfort zone and definitely not one of anyone's choosing.
A year ago my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 peritoneal cancer. This cancer closely mimics ovarian cancer, but it is actually cancer found in the lining of the abdominal and/or pelvic cavities. She entered the hospital for her first chemo treatment at the end of October and was never able to go home after that. She passed away on March 5, 2014 just two weeks short of her 78th birthday.
Because Mom had not been prepared ahead of time with a living will, the night before she entered the hospital we were scrambling to get that done. I was designated to be the executor (big girl panties)--and that is a whole 'nother lesson! (All I'm going to say here is BE PREPARED! It would've made things a whole lot smoother if we would've known her intentions ahead of time.)
By choosing to be her executor (and keeping within Medicaid guidelines), I was responsible to do things for her that went totally against the grain of what I believe spiritually. Let me give an example. It was extremely hard walking into a mortuary and pre-paying for cremation or meeting across the street at the cemetery office to buy a plot. All of this while she was still living. I wanted my Mom to be healed, and yet I was having to plan for her death.
I'm not saying this to debate whether one believes in healing or not, or whether cremation is right or wrong. I just know that this was a spiritual battle I had to go through.
Did I win? I don't know.
But Mom did.
It's All I Love My Mama Good!