Thursday, September 10, 2015

Living Lesson #6 - Not My Circus Not My Monkeys

Are you all up for another "Living Lesson"? I hope so, because I need to get this off my chest. Actually, this isn't dealing with grief per se, but more on the estate-handling side of things.

(You can read Living Lessons 1-5 under the 'Good Grief' tab at the top of the page.)

After my mom's death I was designated as the executor of her will. We had an excellent probate attorney who walked me through the details until everything was finished. My sister and five brothers backed me 100%.

Sunny's mother chose him as the eldest to be her executor. It also made sense because we live here. At one point before she passed, we realized things weren't going to go as smoothly as it had with my family. I'm not going to go into detail but these kind of things usually involve one or both of these 5-letter words: M-O-N-E-Y and G-R-E-E-D. It doesn't take a lot of discernment to see through greedy hearts. But you see, the greed has usually been laying dormant for a long time. Death just brings it to the surface.

#1 - If you are willing to take on executorship of a loved one's will, it will be hard. When Sunny realized there was going to be push back, he came close to asking his Mom to have his name taken off as executor. Then the realization came to him that this would be his Mom and his Dad's final business transaction. This is what they would want. He chose to honor his Mom by seeing this through.

#2 - Push back may come in the form of the person who wasn't designated to be executor.  They weren't put in this position but they want it very badly. They want the title that comes with the position, but they don't want to do the hard work it takes to see it through to the end. They will try to micromanage you. And if you don't respond to that, they may very well accuse you of being untrustworthy and demand from the attorney more accountability, even though you have already dotted every 'i' and crossed every 't' and every penny is accounted for.

Guess what? You don't have to prove your trustworthiness just because someone else accuses you of being untrustworthy. God is your witness.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. No one can change someone else's heart.

#3 - Push back may come in a more subtle, deceitful form. This kind comes from the one who will be excessively mushy and gushy with you and sweet talk you, but the motive is purely selfish. What's in this for me?

Not my circus, not my monkeys. I don't play the manipulation game.

#4 - Keep your head down and finish the job you were chosen to do. And do it with honor.

#5 - Have a good estate/probate attorney that will walk you through every detail. We are blessed to be able to use the same attorney we had with my mom. She sees right through the greed.

#6 - Pray for the accusers often. Forgive even more. But you don't have to feel obligated to buy tickets to their circus.

It's All Good!


1 comment:

  1. Love your #6! It's sad when a death in the family brings this out in people. As you said, the underlying feelings were there all along, but this resurrects all the "It's not fair" arguments from a lifetime.


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