Saturday, February 28, 2009

Jennifer asked

Wow, Jenn, you're making me go pretty far back!

What age did you allow Chelsie to:
a) wear make up
b) date
Have you ever had to address hard issues like weight, clothing choices, and attitude?
Does there ever seem to be any competition between your girls for your time or attention?

First off, we've tried to base all of our decisions on the Christ-like values we live by, but at the same time tried not to 'sweat the small stuff'. I believe that's the 11th commandment, isn't it?!

Let's see, if I recall correctly, Chels started wearing makeup around 12 or 13. It doesn't stand out as a big deal like, "You can wear makeup when your 13 and no sooner"! It was probably more like a special dress-up event for her that I just decided to let her have a little more sparkle.

With dating, I think we had agreed on 16. Again, with Chels, it wasn't a big deal. We just felt, maturity-wise, 16 seemed ok. I will insert here that Chels never wanted to get into the dating game. I know these aren't 'heavy, deep, and real' answers, but that's just how it went with her.

One thought I've always remembered came from a friend who was raising her first teenager. She told her daughter, "This is the first time you are a teenager, and this is the first time I am the mother of a teenager. Let's do this together."

Concerning weight: YOU TALKIN' TO ME?!
Fortunately, our 'genes' haven't required us to have to deal with weight issues with our girls. But at the same time, being aware of the extreme obesity rate among children, I have tried to stay educated and make it a point to prepare meals and snacks that are healthy. Junk foods and drinks are not a staple in our home. Key words 'in our home'! I'm definitely not an extremist. Get me on a road trip, with a Dr. Pepper and some Dori*tos and I'm happy--swollen, but happy! (ok, I'm working on it.)

Clothing choices:
Modesty is one area that I have always been adamant about. My all-time favorite quote-- "Right is right even if no one is doing it, and wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it"--fits perfectly here. The media and many other sources has successfully duped young ladies into thinking that dressing provocatively makes them beautiful and more 'fetching'. I tried to instill in Chels that she could dress fashionably yet modestly without looking prudish (sp.? is that even a word?!).

What teenager doesn't pick up a 'tude' at some time or another. Teaching kiddos to be respectful at an early age and maintaining this attitude will help them immensely. One of my biggest peeves is when young parents make the mistake of laughing and encouraging disrespect in their young children because it's 'cute'. Then they wonder why they're having respect problems when they're older. Go figure. Also, instilling in them that disrespectfulness, no matter who or where the attitude has come from be it school, church, neighborhood etc., will not be tolerated. Ok, getting off that bandwagon now before the horses start galloping away!

As for competition between Chelsie and Grace, I will have to say there hasn't been. The 13-year age difference has played a big part in that. But what amazes me, is that they can still scrap with the best of 'em, even with the age difference! Now that I think of it, I guess that is a form of competition, duh! They are completely opposite in every way--except for mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Thanks, Jenn. With some of your questions I had to really jog my memory. I even had to ask Chels!

Mistakes will be made, so never be afraid to apologize to your kids. It's not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you're real.

Next up: Patty and Maxine Asked

It's All Grace of God Good!


  1. Really enjoying these, Brenda!!!

  2. AWSOME answers. Chels seems to have turned out SO well. So the attitude of 'don't sweat the small stuff' and not being extreme helps a bunch.

    We are just now beginning to face some of the tougher issues around here. My girls are completely willing to dress modestly and to do withough make up for the time being. I am so thankful for that!

    Thanks for including my questions. You are a wonderful Blogbud!


  3. Raising teenagers is hard. In fact, raising kids is hard, period! But your Chelsie seems to have become a beautiful young woman, and that is due to your love and guidance, and I'm sure, the countless times you've prayed for her.
    I'm loving your posts, answering all these questions. Thanks for being so open about each one.
    Have a great weekend. :=) Brenda

  4. This was a really good post...

    Thanks for giving some good advice for the future!

    Have a good weekend

    love, jess

  5. This is quite interesting. You seem to be doing a great job of raising your daughters. I love that quote about modesty. That's a gem.

  6. Thanks for the tips. Hope things will go smoothly with Mariah when she is older. But for now I'm just enjoying her being 7.
    I'll keep all this info in mind for later.
    Love ya

  7. Good answers, Brenda. I can tell from those answers that you are raising your kids right. Good for you.

  8. Full-fledged eater(:) LOL.. oh I know food is good,
    do I ever know ~!!
    Your girls are so cute ,love your answers on the post just really have your head on straight Brenda(:)
    hugs, Patty

  9. I love your blog! And I love the answers to your question. As a youngish (28) mom of two girls this advice is helpful! I'm a big modesty freak though. Not rigid but certainly no bikinis in my girls' futures. I'm thankful for all the Christian moms who are a season or two ahead of me and can guide me in raising children in Christ!


    Blog stalker Elizabeth...maybe soon to be regular visitor :)

  10. I really enjoyed reading about your philosophies! They are great! That's the biggest thing I've learned in my almost 20 years of parenting - let the little stuff go. I didn't always do that when I was a young mother and it made for a tense household. Finally about 6 years ago, I learned to just let it go and be a calmer type of Mom. It made a huge difference. I was raised by a highly emotional mom, so really, that's all I knew. God has been so good to make a new me and I know my home is so much calmer and we are all so close! Praise God! Thanks for all your wonderful thoughts!

    God bless you - Julie

  11. I'm with you on the parents laughing at and ignoring the "brat" behavior and disrespect when the kids are little. It only escalates.
    I also agree on apologizing when you are wrong. My mother would NEVER do that. I think it's sad, we all make mistakes no matter the age.


  12. Also, can I mention about modesty. Why do Moms buy their daughters pants and shorts that have words printed across the rearend.
    That is one thing I have told my 2 girls they will never be wearing. It encourages boys, men and everyone to stare at your rearend. Boys have a hard enough time without the extra wording on the butt.
    Sorry, just had to get that one off my chest. ;)

  13. HI Brenda (:)
    Just checking in to see what you're up too..
    sunny here yesterday and we drove to Spokane.. a long drive .. but nice to get out
    (3 hr. drive each way)
    Hugs, Patty

  14. These are excellent answers, Brenda! I agree with everything you said, especially the "attitude" section. I also have very strong feelings about the importance of speaking kindly to everyone.


Thanks for taking the time to visit with me. I enjoy your comments very much. :)